OUT OF THE OFFICE : Blooming
Currently : a work in progress
Not really sure where to begin, but here seems just fine. I've finally showed up for myself. And most importantly, I'm here with you.
Lately, I haven't wanted to do anything with anyone. Screening everything and everyone. I've been choosy with my energy, stingy with my love, and quiet with my confidence. Everything has been low, and I've needed to charge up. I'm the fixer of the relationships I have, the sponge when she, he, and they need someone to talk to-- but for the first time, in a long time I needed she, he, and they. It's like I wanted them to know my battery was low, and because they didn't I wanted nothing to do with anyone because my inner brat tendencies set that light bulb off. Over time, I've learned there's another term for that for which I'll get into another time, but it's not being a brat, it's just being atttached to those I feel or felt in sync with. I needed to be plugged in-- checked in on, listened to, fixed. I found myself feeling the most, thinking the worst of everything, then wanting nothing from no one. I'm either in or out. It's one extreme or the other with me
Lately, the turf has been a bit rocky, and it feels like I've been riding on the handlebars rather than pedaling the bike as I was once taught to do. Every bump in the road has caused me to hit the ground hard because I give my all every time around-- because you either do it, or don't do it-- who wants to hesitate?
A person can learn how to do something, feel confident about it to then teach others, but can't control the rainy days or storms that surface that may cause them to fall off track. As I've taken a few steps off the grid, I've managed to lead myself back to home base where the light lives.
So many voids have been "lessons" lately, and I've been protecting my peace preparing to bloom by:
Putting in the work (being creatively productive + selfing)
Being okay with being non-acessable ( stop answering everyone, google it or dial 911)
Treating myself (4 quarters can get you a long way)
Pampering myself (head to toe)
Avoiding the chats about "this and that" (petty don't pay the bills)
Keeping my faith larger than my fears (stick to your end goal)
Let go of the things I can't control (detach)
Speaking direct (living intentional)
Truth or truth?
The cause of this rut has been due to me not being where I want to be creatively, and that has caused me to emotionally / mentally set myself back. With some days better than others, if you take the initiative to at least THINK you can, you will find the energy and power to get up and do it.
On this Sunday, I got up, got dressed, and transformed into a trophy and treated myself like one. Soaking up the sun, I re-charged my battery. I positioned myself into a light where love is breathing, walking, and talking to myself and others. Seeing the sunflowers at different stages of their growth journey, inspired me to believe in myself a hell of a lot more than I have been. From below my waist to above my head, these sunflowers stood. From the early stages, to their highest peaks, I've embraced the symbols of patience, individuality, and beauty within the foundation of myself. I may not be where I want to be creatively, and that is now OK for me, because this time I've fallen off my bike into a puddle of motivation. You control your destiny, no one else.
I've decided to re-commit to confidence, because I got this. It's time to bloom.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Protect your peace.
Release + reset.
What are some of your tactics for when you need to recharge? Do you select your energy and surround yourself by them? Invite them into your space / outing? Or do you shut the world out, and deal with it on your own?