One Saturday Morning : Fxck The Fixer
Everyone has their share of lessons, and they usually show up uninvited. There you are, being your truest self, and without question, you apply that to every little layer of life. Suddenly, something or someone comes along and causes gears to shift and lessons to follow.
If you're anything like me, when things break or shift, you try to fix them before they shatter. No matter how big or small, I almost always accept the challenge. Do you? As of lately, being able to say no, has been my reasoning for the "almost always" line I slid in there. There's that thin line I've drawn, and refuse to cross. Anyway, being a "fixer" can really beat you up in the end.
Everyone envies the fixer IF you ask me.
YOU'RE "DOING TOO MUCH"
If you've been here, its because you did what's considered too much, when you do what the other person didn't have the courage to do. Because everything is a competition, and not willing to sacrifice said task for said problem, you're doing too much- because "nothing" was enough for them. Their as-is asses, can move right along. Nobody wants to intentionally settle for less.
Guilt then gets the best of us, and you begin to think:
"I DID TOO MUCH"
To you, you feel did too much. Why you ask? Because you didn't get the response you wanted. After actually putting your pride aside to do whatever said task was, and to mend whatever ship you felt may be sinking. Me, I'm not an as-is, any-and-everybody-left-behind type of girl. So when things surface, I try my best to fix and secure them. Doing too much, is what one does when they don't want any regrets, bad tastes, or guild trips on their shoulder to running behind them biting them in the ass later. Karma is a friend of everyone whether you've circled yes or no. That's a relationship you can't break things off with. She's there to stay.
I've been in the "I did too much" boat, and it has brought me to the conclusion that not everything or everyone is worth fighting to fix- because I've also been in the "you did too much" seat as well quiet as kept. Most times, this is a battle when you didn't say or do all you could/should have said from the beginning. So this fixing, is your attempt at taking said problem for another spin to get it all out.
Sometimes you have to say fxck it. Whenever that "ah ha" moment slaps you in the face, you may just wish you would have thought a little more or less. It's in nobodies favor to fix expired threads. Once they're done, they're done. If you have to think "am I doing too much," you are.
Say it all, say it loud. No more second times around.
Your cup of tea is served nice and hot when you realize you could have avoided such shit.
This Saturday morning, I've come to the conclusion that whenever you're in doubt, don't.